Struggles of coming home.

Having a very difficult time adjusting this time...coming back to the States, more so than any other trip to China. It's not just my jet-lag or Kingston having a tough go with the time change or coming back to work, etc. It's this weird sense of urgency in my heart. Something isn't settled. Feeling this big void...or maybe burden (?). I don't know. Part of me just wants to have a big cry-session, but no tears will flow. Maybe it's knowing I am "here" and there are so many people suffering "there"...and feeling I can do so little. Maybe it's seeing so many people of need, but realizing that I can't cure them or fix them or bring them out of their situation(s). The hardest part of the trip for Lily and I was actually the last two days while we were in Hong Kong. After traveling to some of the poorest areas of China, it was in downtown Hong Kong that made it all come together. Where my dad lives (which is ridiculous and very glamorous), right outside is an underpass where we walk by every day. There lay many homeless...some old, crippled, no where to go. Lily and I had some extra food the GivingBackLife team had purchased for our very long trip (e.g., pop, chips, fruit, juice). During our walk back to my dad's place, Lily said we should drop off the food with them. As I walked there and saw the people, my heart broke and it just tore me up inside. A block away my dad is living in a $5,000 a month apartment, filled with glitz & glamour. I passed out the food, but no one would answer me...they all seem so defeated, many asleep and didn't even bother opening their eyes as I called out to them. I just placed the food next to bags filled with all their earthly belongings. I came to one guy, who wasn't old or crippled...he must have been my age. Yes, he was dirty and disheveled, but he seemed healthy and young. At the same time, he appeared so deflated with so little hope. He kept saying thank you to me, over and over again. Every time he said thank you (under his breath), I just wanted to burst into tears and give him a hug (but I didn't...which I regret). I am struggling with all this. There are people with so much, yet people living right next door with so little. Why do we go on with our lives ignoring the "so little"? Maybe because there are people like me that feel there is so little that one individual can do? The mountain is too high. Or, maybe it's something else. I don't know. My friend Adam, who went on the GivingBackLife trip with us, took this picture that illustrates the huge dichotomy in China. We're standing at the Abandoned and Street Children Center...so close to the beautiful and glamorous high rises. I wonder what these children think when they look out the window and see this...life sometimes just doesn't seem "fair".

Looking up with great love and anticipation,

Dan