​Changing the world or changing myself?

As a teenager, I didn’t care about the world around me. I didn’t care who was hurting, who was dying, who was suffering, who was being left behind. I didn’t care about those that were crying, those that were scared, those that didn’t have a voice. I cared only about myself. I cared about being cool, having the best clothes, a nice car, the baddest pair of Nike shoes (especially those that had the “air pockets” all the way around the base), and the best gadgets money could buy (ok ok, I still like gadgets…just have a little bit more self control now). In my 20’s, I wanted the opposite…I wanted to change the world. You asked me why, I would have given you a seemingly selfless, noble answer. I wanted to make a difference. I wanted to change peoples lives. I wanted to be a fixer. I wanted to be a catalyst to something huge. A part of my heart was pure. God opened by eyes to seeing those that hurt, suffered, lacked a voice. Another part of my heart desired recognition and acceptance. A driving force was pride. Then I met Lily in my late 20’s… God has used her to turn my life upside down (or right-side up). Maybe it’s getting older, more mature, being a parent…maybe. But my 30’s have been quite the roller-coaster. I still struggle with the teenager Dan, that only cares about himself…that wants and desires this world. That new iPad, or sports car, or nicer house, or whatever it may be, that teenager is still there. I still struggle with the 20’s Dan as well. I see a problem in this world and I want to FIX it, I want to be the source of change, I want to reap what I sow. I want to do this and that for God, because I want to be great. I want to be like my heroes in the faith (e.g., Mother Teresa, Hudson Taylor) because LOOK at all the difference they have made. They were fixers. However, Lily and a few others, recently, have taught me something in this life that I have failed to learn up to this point…or at least failed to live by. A good friend has been constantly reminding me, “It’s not what you do for God at all, it’s ultimately what He does in you…and then, through you.” I’m still a work in progress, but I’m so thankful I have these people in my life that keep me accountable and give me perspective. People ask us all the time, Why China? Why full time ministry? Why life-long missions? There isn't a good, short and sweet answer, so we made a brief 6 minute video that we share with people…a video showing orphaned children, handicapped and neglected children, people without a voice, places in China we want to serve. People usually leave with, “Oh, they want to show love to the neglected…they want to fix a problem they see in China.” They think, most of the time, what we are doing is noble. However, Lily (and others) have shown me that this is NOT why we are going to China and not why we are going into full-time ministry at all. Here is something Lily shared with me the other day: “What are we doing in China? Is it loving orphans, is it serving the homeless, is it fixing a problem? I think the human desire in me wants to be able to say that what I’m doing in China will help fix the orphan crisis or help to fix poverty in China, or stop people from abandoning innocent children… But, the truth is, God does not want or require me to fix anything. The only thing God wants me to fix is myself. He wants me to live with the same compassion Jesus did. He wants me to look and acknowledge that each and every person on this earth is a creation of God, and is precious in his eyes. God wants me to see the way He sees, and ultimately love the way He loves. So what am I really going to do in China? I’m going to work me. I’m going to work on seeing others the way Jesus does, so that I may be a window through which Jesus can be seen. There are so many people who are overlooked, who are ignored…and this is a reality everywhere. I was reminded by the sermon given this weekend [by Rob] that the gospel is an everything ministry, as Jesus covers everything. Not my after-school lessons for homeless children, not Dan’s free medical services for the poor, not food for the hungry…only Jesus!” Such a breath of fresh air realizing that He doesn't need me. If anything, I only make a mess of things. He doesn’t need me to fix the world, or anything else in it for that matter. Nonetheless, it is beyond amazing knowing that the God of the universe wants me to walk with Him, and wants me to take part in His Kingdom work...so that I may grow, and be a light to those around me. Looking up, Dan